i took out my box of memories today, from the store room at the roof. i took it out only because i wanted to prove to my cynical, sarcastic bastard of a best, favoutrite friend that he did, once, say he loves me; he's been denying it for so long now and the topic of secret shrines and crushes popped up, so i thought i'd show /him/.in my treasured box are things that, when i look at after a long time, i cannot /believe/ i've kept safe for so long. there're cards, birthdays, christmas, etc. from people i've forgotten, or people who have forgotten me. there's even a plain seasons greetings card, from our 'paperboy, john.' ; who, as i recall, had the most lucious eyelashes and used to ask me, randomly for how could he possibly have known who i was, for spare change on the walk home from school so he could buy chocolate or crisps. theres a card from my teacher, ms.derby, who used to have a slight lisp and short, curly hair that i admired; we used to snigger at each other in class whenever she said words like, 'tethered' or 'teetering'. i remember one time after registration, she held me back in class which was a surprise to everyone because i was such a goody-two-shoes. my best friend, umber, stood outside the door waiting for me. ms.derby had found out about me cutting myself, undoubtedly from my art teacher whose name i cant remember, who caught me at it. i cant preciesly remember the conversation we had, but i distinctly remember gesturing  a knife to my wrist at umber, when ms.derby's back was turned.

there is also, in my box, a small white envelope containing little pieces of paper. these pieces of paper are notes that i used to leave for my best friend, sami, in the libary everyday, because my break used to end before hers started. i used to leave these little notes on random pieces of papers, or the school post-its, somewhere on the libary table where we both worked. she would read the notes, and leave replies for me because my lunch would be before or after hers, i forget which. but i remember coming to the libary at lunch, anxious to see her reply. she was in a year below me, but we were such close friends, everyone though we were either sisters or in the same year. we used to stay behind after-school, everyday if we could manage it, and sit in the library and talk, or go roaming about school and just hang out together.then, as we reached home, and got changed and refreshed, sami would phone me and we would spend atleast an hour or two talking on the phone, everyday; me sitting on the stairs, sami moving about in her house.there are so many things she taught me; most important of all, the love and comfort of having a friend. she is so much more daring than i am, so much more confident and incredible, and i love her to tiny bits and pieces.

in my special box, there is a pocket. a pocket ripped off from the shirt of our school uniform. on this pocket, there is a confession. i will treasure this pocket till the day i die.theres also a piece of silver metal, that used to be attached to a chain to make a keychain, with a maroon smudge in the middle. on this maroon smudge is my name, correct spelling and all, carved in. this is my most favourite, valued piece of metal and was given to me by umber. she had it made just for me when she went to syria, on a religious journey, i believe. if it were not for umber, i would not have survived the silent torment bestowed upen me in year 7. it was always the fact that she stood by me, through thick and thin, that made me a little bit strong.i loved coming back to school after taking a day off sick because the second umber saw me she'd start yelling about how she missed me, and how dare i make her spend the day alone, she was, in a sense, popular. smart, sporty and arty. everyone liked umber. me, on the other hand...lets just say i put the fear of 'GOFFS & FREAKS' back in people who came near me. umber and i were, mostly, in the same class. at break we were together at the railing, talking or not talking, but enjoying the others presence nonetheless. if someone wanted to where the one of us was, they would ask the other. we knew each others classes, room number, what teacher was teaching.there is a pink piece of carboard paper, with a decaying leaf glued on, and in the leaf, carved, are the words; 'i love you as much as...' and then, on the paper in blue ink, the words, 'its incomparable okay?!' there are a lot of other things writting on this paper, and lately ive been meaning to burn it and the others like it, but today i found out i couldnt. the words made me smile. i wont say much about this piece of treasure because the person who gave it to me has changed so much, and so dramatically it makes me a little sad..there is, again, a keychain, made of rubber in the shape and colour of elmo. this keychain was the one that kept my locker keeps safe and in sight, and i remember now that i gave that locker to sami.there are two gorgoues smells in my box. one is a slender bottle of perfume, called Choice, which, as i smell it in, sends me back to england, in my small room, getting ready for school, dancing to my ear candy on the ipod, or staring out of the window really late at night, wondering if anyone can see me, or is thinking of me.the other bottle is a boys body spray. you can tell because it is short and half-empty, with a bikini-clad woman. this was given to me by my ex, and now almost best friend. i still dont know, to this day, why he gave it to me, but i remember the day he did. he walked up to my window in our school van, at hometime, slipped it in my lap and said, 'here.', smiled and walked away. he was going home by his car that day (we went in the same van) and i also remember his best friend climbing in the van and asking me if asad had given me anything, because he said he would. this body spray had some significance before it was given to me. i used to force asad to put it on to and from school because i used to, and still do, love that smell. i love the fun times we had in the school van, after it was seperated and divided into two. and i love the rides in his car, and the way, when he was driving, he'd always adjust the rear-view mirror so he could meet my eyes. he never sat with me, i always sat in the back with his best friend, rafay. that boy was a laugh too. but i had my fair share of fun with him. he's shown me, a little like sami, proper pure friendship. i love him; he comes to my aid even for the smallest, stupidest things, whenver i ask.sometimes, its good to reminise about the good old times, because it reminds you that no matter how bad it is right now, it'll get better again. it did last

time.